Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
