i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
