whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
