After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
