their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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