This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
