I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
