I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize