You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
