420 ftw
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to sanitize my soul.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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