ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
