he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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