Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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