Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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