dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
