i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can Purell be used as lube?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i think i just lost a toe
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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