the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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