I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
