Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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