I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
