i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
