I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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