He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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