I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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