There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
