Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
