i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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