I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
