So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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