turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize