mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
