The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
