I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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