I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
