his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
