im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
