I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
