youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
