i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
