I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
