Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you traded sex for a burrito?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
