yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
