im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Found the puke drawer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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