I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
