Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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