At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
