your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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