I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
