theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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