so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
