well most of my day revolves around power hour
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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