He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
