Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
