So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
