Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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