I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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