If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize