Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
