her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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