hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
