Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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