Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
