Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
