as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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