I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
