My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
