Just cropdusted the office
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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