I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
