just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
