I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
