i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
