R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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