Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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