What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
