Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
