Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
