this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
